Self-Portrait & My Bliss List

I took a leap of faith and found myself in a little place called "Bliss"...

My Bliss List

- fear transformed

Journaling Like a Madwoman!

I know I haven't been around for the last couple of days, so I want to wish everyone a belated MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! What can I say, things get hectic around here for the holidays. Christmas morning was amazing! I got to watch my little guy open presents for the first time (he was only 8 months old last Christmas) and he was a pro at tearing the wrapping off of the gifts. So much so, I had to stop him from tearing the wrapping off other people's gifts!!! He had a ball and just watching him made me happy. Also, my family and my husband's family came over for breakfast. I played a short order cook preparing made-to-order omelettes and waffles. I had so much fun and having the whole family over to eat, watch home-made movies, laugh, and enjoy each other's company was more than I could ever ask for. I want to make Christmas Breakfast a tradition. There, I said it, so shall it be!

Now, for the reason I haven't been around since Christmas... I have been plugging away at my art journal and loving every minute of it! I'll start pages, add things to old pages, embellish like my life depended on it... It is sooooo much fun and I get all giddy to see a "finished" page. I want a big, fat book stretched to the limits with goodies inside that I created. I will put up a slideshow of what I have so far.

Yours in artsy-fartsy bliss...

Muah :*

My Muse Said...

I am on a roll and couldn't keep my mind off my journal all day! I am so proud of it! When doing this one, there was a lot more thought and I need to let that go. With hard thinking during creativity, perfectionism starts to try to creep in and I had to stop and breathe and really let go and not get anal about color, placement, etc. I didn't know where I was going with this, but it all came together. I need to listen to my muse more often, she has the turn-by-turn directions to bliss...
Muah :*

My Bliss List

- snow days
- new friends
- my Muse
- lots 'o color!

My 2nd Page & Bliss List

I am so excited about how this one came out! I kinda wish that I could redo the 1st page, but I will not let Ms. Perfectionist ruin that for me. I am living in the moment and that moment has passed. My first page is beautiful and it was my brave first step. I will not let negative mind chatter take away the courage needed to finally take the leap toward bliss...

Muah ;*

My Bliss List

- Suzi Blu - thank you, thank you, thank you for believing in me and the fact that I am an artist
- art supplies
- messy hands
- finished pages

My 1st Art Journal Entry

Here's my 1st art journal entry. I am soooo excited! It came out really nice and I know the others will be even better!! Wasn't I a sassy lil' Blisslet!!

My Bliss List

- hula hoops
- great hoopdance playlist
- clean offices
- stripey colored socks
- the excitement of starting a new project
- easy, healthy dinners
- sleeping in (9:30 am) :)
- letting go...

It All Started With a "Party"...

I must admit, today was a good day. It started with me not wanting to wake up to do my morning Turbo Jam, Cardio Party 1, but I talked myself into it by saying that I would keep it low impact. Lo and behold, once I got going, I fired myself right on up and kicked it into high gear! I ended up burning almost 400 calories, so I was happy with that. I then did my morning card reading and what I pulled is pictured above. According to Lucy Cavendish and the Oracle Tarot, cards that are reversed symbolize a block in a specific area of one's life. This block relates to the "pursuit of my career dreams". The 5 of Wands indicates a kind of challenge that may be overt or undercover. This card is telling me that I am beating my head against a wall trying to change the ways of the higher ups. I know the way things should be, but trying to make others see that is a totally different story. This card is advising me to stop bitching and moaning about the situation, take some time out to think about a solution, and then not boast with a finger-wagging "I told you so!"

At this point in time, I work for a contract company and am paid an hourly wage. All of that is just fine, but our time is broken down into billable and non-billable hours vs. getting paid for hours on site. For example, instead of getting paid for a 9 hour day (10-7), I get paid by the number of clients I see/don't see. For a further example, I was onsite for 9 hours today, but will only get paid for 8 because I saw 5, 1 no-called/no-showed, and 2 canceled. The other hour of my time will get farted away into the wind because we can't double bill (claiming a cancel/no show and doing paperwork; has to be either or) and we can no longer claim consultation time, filing, phone calls, scheduling, etc. The consumer company only pays my contract company for direct treatment hours/paperwork. Everything else is considered indirect/non-billable hours. It's really sad that in order to be compensated for a 15 min. conversation with a co-worker about a client, I need an authorization. Is this what things have come to? Anyway, my co-workers and I practically have a non-billable round table, every Thursday, on how unfair and unreasonable this system is. My co-worker was onsite for roughly 7 hours today, but will only get paid for 5; she will have to make up the time elsewhere because she is full-time and they have to have so many hours per pay period to qualify for benefits. Suckity-suck sucks, right!

The guidance handed down to me today let me know that there are obstacles surrounding my career happiness, and until I am willing to come up with some brilliant plan, things will continue this way. Right now, I like the consumer company that I work for, enjoy what I do, and get along with the people; I just dislike the way we are paid. I think my final solution would be to look/apply for a new job, but I'm just not there yet. I am fresh off the boat and am building my experience. I will take off and shine in due time.

On a much lighter note, today I received thoughtful gifts from my clients for Christmas. It makes my heart all warm and mushy to be appreciated. Because a couple of the gifts were food related, I shared them with those in the office (one thing about consistent workouts is the hesitation to throw it all away with some bad food choices). One gift, however, was very different and it lightened my mood right up. It's a Precious Moments tissue holder and each side says something different. Reading this tissue box put things into perspective and I was kissed a total of 4 times. Take a look and savor each kiss from "you know who"...

Muah :*

My Bliss List

- my "b"

- credit cards with just enough room to get gas

- cardio party

- great co-workers

My Bliss List

- Tazo Passion tea
- excited squels from a happy little boy

- decorated Christmas trees

- vanilla scented candles

Relax, Relate, Release...

As you can see, I pulled the 9 of Swords as my focus card of the day. Stress and anxiety indeed! The economy sucks and my finances are in the toilet. Christmas is coming up and hubby and I have decided that only the kids in the family are getting gifts. Even just buying them gifts make my head hurt, because we don't have a lot to spend and I'm not sure how we are going to make things stretch. On top of that, bills don't stop at Christmas time. I usually alot myself a certain amount each month to cover bills and it usually works, but this time, I am $60 short. One of the reasons why things get so tight over the holidays is because I work part-time - 32 hours- and I don't get benefits, which means no holiday pay. My last check was about 20 hours short.... I would be okay with that if I could make it up with the coming checks, but because of Christmas and New Year, it's not going to happen. I don't forsee having any substantial pocket change until the end of January/beginning of February.

I am sick about all of this, but given the guidance I received this morning before I even knew about the $60 shortage, I know things are going to be okay, one way or another. I will continue to stay positive and frugal and channel my energies elsewhere (blogging, digi-scrapping, journaling, reading, working out, eating right, sleeping...) and look for the bliss that I know is just behind this slowly, but surely moving dark cloud...

Muah ;*

I sit here in front of the screen wondering where to start. I have been away for a few months and although I don't think anyone follows my blog, I feel that I must offer an explaination. I have been lost in the shuffle of life. I have been searching for something, yet I'm not quite sure what it is - makes my search kind of nerve-wracking if you ask me.

After my hubby's stint in the hospital, my bliss kind of faded away. I did not focus on finding and enjoying the simple things, I just zoned out. At this precise time we starting having some financial/minor legal/communication issues which led to disharmony in our marriage. To make a long story short, I tried to stay positive by telling myself that things were all going to work out in the end and ended up stress-eating myself into migraines.

On December 1st, I decided to find my bliss once again. I found a wonderful blog called Green Smoothie Queen that boasted of a "24 day green smoothie countdown to Christmas". During my bliss days of the past, I was drinking green smoothies and loving them, but with all that happened I got lazy and eventually stopped being good to myself. Along with drinking 1 green smoothie a day, I have also started working out and returned to counting my WW points - accurately. To this day, I have consumed 16 green smoothies, sweated through 11/12 workouts (I rest on the weekends), and have seen a increase in energy, happiness, and commitment, not to mention a loss of 5 lbs! This challenge has jumpstarted me toward my New Year's Resolutions. My new motto is "Why wait?".

Along with returning to bliss, I am also seeking spirtuality that suits me. I absolutely adore yoga and ever since my teacher made a few simple yet profound statements during class, I no longer look at church the same way. Her words resonated with me for days after the class, unlike any sermon that I have ever sat through. I have issues with organized religion due to the "rules" and what you can and cannot do to along the lines of prayer, worship, and living an authentic life. At this time, I have been doing a bit of research on Wicca, and while some things have hit home for me immediately, some things have not. I am in the process of reading a book called White Magic by Lucy Cavendish and it is all about "connecting with your own inner magical self" to "create a life full of joy, beauty, laughter, and healing" - all of which I need. She outlines topics in her book like altar creation, moon energy/cycles, Gods and Goddesses, the wheel of the year, divination, and of course, white magic. While being a great author, she is an even better Oracle Tarot creator. I bought her cards on my 28th birthday (May '08) and my readings have seemed to come alive. Her deck is absolutely beautiful and makes more sense to me than any other deck I own. They are my most prized possession; so much so, I keep them in my purse so that I have them near at all times.

So I return to my blog, to spill my guts, read the guts of others, join creativity ventures, seek enlightenment, and find my bliss once more. I came for the bliss and I ain't leaving until I find myself being present, completely consumed with bliss and overjoyed with "just being". I am here to share my journey...

Until next time...

My Bliss List

- pony rides
- state fairs
- passed exams
- deep breathing

(my slugs, snails, and puppydog tails is the wee one in the middle)

Enough

First, I would like to start off by saying that tonight's yoga class was the "ultimate smooch"!!! I mean a heart-pounding, mind-bending, shape shifting, body morphing lip lock that can only be imitated but never duplicated outside of the studio walls. I froze, melted, meshed, and mingled all within the time frame of 75 minutes. I met parts of my body I never knew existed and I warmly greeted the ones that showed up today to usher me along in my process.



Today I listened to my body and attended a Level 1 yoga class, and was pleasantly surprised that it was a lot more challenging than I had believed it to be. The most challenging aspect of this particular class was the mantra stated during our time for stating intentions:

I have enough

I have more than enough

I have so much I want to give it away

I can only keep what I have by giving it away

I was completely floored by these simple statements because they are so true on a very basic level. There is no tricky word play, no read between the lines; it just is. Before tonight, my "enough" was in direct correlation to "stuff". Not a day would pass without me saying, "I don't have enough________." (Fill in the blank with: money, clothes, gadgets, jewelry, etc.) My first thoughts were never "abundance", "plenty", "more than I need", but that is how I should be thinking. Getting wrapped up in the material aspect of life is hard to escape. Everywhere you look, there's an ad/commerical for a new this and/or a new that, and if that wasn't enough, there are now multiple types of the same product to choose from. It's a wonder why we feel that we never have enough. It seems as if our world is ruled by tangible items that we never needed until we saw them and then couldn't live without them.

When I look at my life (the most important aspects of it) I realize that I have "enough". I have enough love, support, time, endurance, energy, patience, etc. Having enough of these things increases my self-worth and productivity which in turn makes me want to do more for and give to others. Just like the phrase, "you get what you give", in order for me to continue to have enough, I must unselfishly give these intangible gifts to my family, friends, co-workers, clients, and strangers so that they may in turn give them to others. In the very end, all of the gifts that I have given away will at one time or another return like boomerangs, ready to be thrown out into the world again.

Muah! ;*

My Bliss List

~ the euphoric head-to-toe feeling after a mind/body morphing yoga class

~ music boxes and night lights

~ guardian angels

~ peanut butter cookies with "just a little bit " of butter ;)

Expectations

Expectations are things I am trying to release from my daily life. I am finding out that when I expect things to happen a certain way and they end up going awry, I am left broken hearted, upset, and sometimes angry. I don't necessarily like any one of those emotions, but I know they are crucial to human existence. Things I expect, but know won't always happen:

~ my son to sleep until at least 7:45 am
~ fellow drivers to let me "get over" or change lanes
~ to have a good therapy session when I have planned for it
~ for someone to return my greeting when I say "hello"
~ for someone to catch the door when I hold it open for them instead of just walking through
The list could go on, but I think I have made my point.

My Lesson in Expectations
Today is Tuesday and on that one day a week, I attend yoga at a center close to my job. I look forward to the class because I have a wonderful teacher, great classmates, and even greater music. I also look forward to the release of stress that has built up over the week and as an added bonus, after class, we all get together and hoop in the parking lot behind the center! Well, as you can see, Tuesdays are my favorite day of the week and with all of the fun, stress-relieving activities, I guess you can say that I expect to be able to attend. After all, it's only one day a week. Alas, today was not that day. To make a longer story short, hubby had a meeting, mom had a wedding rehearsal, and there was no one able to watch my little one, except for me. Because I am in the process of releasing expectations, I did not let the disappointment take me over. I just scheduled to go another day during the week and decided I would forgo the community hooping and would hoop when I got home after the baby went to sleep. When I let go and let it be, I instantly felt lighter and my slowly-turning-gray cloud disappeared to let the sun shine bright upon me. If that wasn't enough, out of the blue, my teacher sent a text to let me know that there would be no hooping tonight and that it would be postponed till the weekend!! I could still attend yoga for the week and have my community hooping too!! I felt as if the Powers that Be saw my efforts, discussed my reward, and surprised me with...
a kiss. ;*

My Bliss List

- the wake up call/cries from my son to deliver me from a horrible dream
- banana chocolates from Starbucks
- eye contact from a child with autism
- glow-in-the-dark hoop tape

My Bliss List

- my PIC (partner in crime) Breeze
- long soothing car rides to make little ones fall fast asleep
- fudgcicles
- sparkly/shiny hula hoops
- 10 year reunions

What Is Bliss?

Bliss is defined as extreme happiness; ecstacy and the ecstacy of salvation; spiritual joy. The definitions of this word are pretty straightforward and to the point without the need of explainations, but how a person achieves bliss is a completely different story. In the past, I have searched high and low for this so-called bliss and have found materialistic happiness through retail therapy, glee, giddyness, and fleeting bouts of whimsy which have all led me back to the same place - despair and depression.

Finally fed up with the darkness, I am looking to the light in a completely different light. In this new journey, I am keeping an open mind, finding my creativity through a myriad of outlets, and exploring the good in every day. In the past month, I have found that input affects output. When I input good food (whole grains, fresh fruits/veggies, lean meat), good intentions, good movement (hooping, yoga, playing), and good information (hip tranquil chick, girl seeks bliss, the red book), my output is amazing and I feel as though I am able to take on the world wearing my rose colored sunglasses.

I was kissed by bliss and I think I'm in love.